What she says and what she means

I know what you''re going through, brother.

Really.

She told ya there was 'nothing' wrong.

Which meant there was something wrong.

But how were you supposed to know that from what she said?

What guy wouldn't have gone to hang out with his buddies after his lady told him it was "OK" if he wanted to hang out over there all night if he wanted?

Mmmm hmmm. I feel ya.

You gotta stop being so literal.

Or better yet.. get hep to the jive, and learn the language!!

-- the secret is in remembering to listen to what she means, and not what she says.

( warning --- if she says the word NO- it'd be better if you took that one serious...
........... I'm just sayin.... )


Let's try a couple examples, shall we?



You tell her you're gonna visit your buddy in Miami Beach. She says "FINE".
No, you don't get to go to Miami.

Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. It is another word for NO.



She's getting ready for a dinner party.
You ask how much longer she'll be before she's ready.
She says "Five Minutes". Um hmmm.....

Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means at least a half an hour.
Use this handy method for calculating the actual amount of time she means ---
Multiply by six any time she gives you when she's getting dressed.
Divide by six any time she gives you when you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping out around the house.




She seems upset about something... you ask her what's wrong, she says "nothing".
Can you just forget about it? Yeah, raht.

Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.



You tell her you still wanna go see your bud in Miami. She says "go ahead".
Hide the knives.

Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! DON'T !!!!



How are you doing with these... getting the hang of this strange new language, chum?

Well, here are some other verbal landmines to watch out for.


Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.
(Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)



That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man.
That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. Hide the knives and all firearms.



Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.
(I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" - which is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" ... that will bring on a "whatever", and kick in the basic subroutine running from "fine" to "nothing").



Whatever: That's the feminine version of 'fuck YOU' .




Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. You are sure to encounter other words on this list after hearing this one.




Nevermind: Means anything BUT never mind!
You'd better start trying to find out what's wrong, or you're up the crick without a kayak.



I'm not saying we men don't have OUR own language, too, though....

It's just that ours is so much easier to learn.

I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm tired = I'm Tired
Want to go see a movie = let's make out!
Can i take you out to dinner = let's make out!
Can i call you sometime = let's make out!
Can i have this dance = let's make out!
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
You seem tense + let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question?!?
I'm bored = Lets have sex!!
I love you = Lets have sex now!!
I love you too = Ok I said it-, we better have sex now!
Let's talk = No more talking - Let's have sex!



See how simple learning a new language can be????