Rocky Jones- Space Ranger

I spent much of this weekend bored outta my tree.

Without going into long, painful, and possibly argument-starting explanations.............


lets just say I wanted to go to Isle of Palms,

lay on the beach before the Memorial Day season starts,

play in the surf,

watch pretty bikini clad silicone float by in the pool,

eat oysters,

drink drinks with little umbrellas on em,

and such.....

-------   but instead I stayed home and watched it rain.


OK, so I went to the gym and spent two hours trying to pry a bench from the weekend warriors.

Fun Fun.

I also dug around in my video collection,
and found some old tape of some much older sci-fi movies and TV shows from the fifties.

My all time favorite BAD sci-fi movie "Zontar- The Thing From Venus" was on there....

and I spent a happy hour or two making a running commentary, mocking everything in it--

..... sorta like a musclehead's version of Mystery Science 3000....

( you know, they stole that idea from me....... )


Some episodes of the old TV series "Rocky Jones, Space Ranger" were on there, too.

Boy, is that Cleolanta a bitch.


Wait --- you say you've never heard of "Rocky Jones, Space Ranger"?????

"Rocky Jones - Space Ranger" ran for one season on U.S. syndicated television,
...starting in the spring of 1954.

Despite the fact that the special effects were laughable when compared to the effects used today,

in 1954- the effects were cutting edge-

and the show was cancelled in large part because of it's high production costs.

The show centered around Rocky Jones
- a space ship pilot and galactic peace keeper --
and his co-pilot, Winky.

 Rocky also had a blonde hottie assistant, Vena, who for some reason,
liked to wear very short skirts with very long capes.

 There was a mad scientist, Professor Newton,
who wasn't really a very good scientist to speak of.....
 
 A kid of unknown parentage named Bobby- ( kinda like a Space-S'weePea),
who would get to tag along on Rockys adventures........

 And a very bad razor-girl named Cleolanta,
who was always trying to blow up something or somebody,
while clothed in low cut evening gown and high heels.

 ( Actually, most of the women on this show were surprisingly scantily clad for the time )

 There's a lot about these old shows to like, besides the aforementioned hotties - but, I'm gonna dwell on them for another hot second, here. 

 Something you'll notice about the women on this show -- they all have figures.... you know, CURVES.

And the men- they all have muscles. Even the Winky guy - and he could fight, too.

 If you did that show today, the casting would be .... well.... much different.

 So would the characters......

 Naahh....  nobody would even do a show like that, I guess.

 Rocky Jones was exactly the kinda guy you'd want protecting the universe, though --
---  he was tough but fair,
handsome but rugged,
strong but gentle,
moral but not judgmental.

 We're too cynical these days for the old notion of the ethical, two-fisted All-American hero.

 A guy who will defend the innocent,
deal with every one fairly,
speak out against injustice,
and battle evil.

  In Rocky's world, it was simple to know the good guy from the bad guy.

 I guess there a lot more gray areas these days......

 Or maybe we've just complicated our understanding of right and wrong to the point where we
don't even know where the line is, anymore.

 We certainly don't have the technology they had back then, either.


 Landing a V-2 rocket on it's fins--- well, I dunno if we'll ever master that trick.

Instant inter-space communication --
--that's pretty cool, and we coulda used that on the Mars Rovers.

Talk about neat-o space suits....
I mean, NASA spent billions on the latest spacesuits,
and they aren't half as cool as Rocky's.

 I especially liked the roller chairs .....
.......you hit a little turbulence, and everybody's chairs start rolling around the space station.


 Vena's car looked suspiciously like a  --- what the hell IZ that....  

----------- and how cool would THAT car look in your driveway?



 And that quartz rocket technology that Cleolanta wanted to steal from planet Foronax ---

........... woweeee, would that solve our energy problems here.

 
 But alas, Rocky Jones has gone the way of all flesh.....
so have all the hotties, Cleolanta included.

And, the TV show doesnt even get reruns anymore.


I just want to know why they don't air the old classic TV programs like this,
on one of the thousands of cable channels that are out there these days??

I mean, you got the friggin SEWING CHANNEL fer cryin out loud.... why not 50's TV?

I'm not talking about the Brady Bunch like on Nick at Nite--
I'm talking about
"Your Show of Shows",
"Tom Corbett",
"Ernie Kovacs Show",
"Stan Freberg",
or any one of the hundreds of other great shows from the 50's????

Don't tell me the kinescopes aren't out there---
.... and some of them were on standard film.

Surely, there'd be a large interest in seeing these things--
----- most people would be seeing them for the first time.

I'd love to see them again............ how about you  ???