Dance this mess around

I don't dance.

 I don't.

 Don't ask me.

 I was at a function not long ago....
...... and this very nice redheaded lady asked if I wanted to dance.

 I told her that I would love to do just about anything else she wanted ,
... but dancin was quite out of the question.

 I think she mighta took that the wrong way......... 

 No worries.....  I ducked in plenty o time.

I just don't dance.

It all goes back to a junior high school dance, ya see.......

 I was very excited, cause it was my first dance,
... and I had a 'date' with this girl named Susan who was in my class.

 From what I remember about her, she was as cute as lace pants.

 So I was naturally concerned about making a good impression.

 I'm kinda guess-ta-matin' the year......... , but it was probably 1970?

 The music was ..... lessee........ 

   ..... oh yeah,  that was a pretty good year for music....

There was:

  "I'll Be There" by the Jackson Five

  "Spill The Wine" by Eric Burdon and War

 "Greeneyed Lady" by Sugarloaf

 "Evil Ways" by Santana

 "Ride, Captain, Ride" by the Blues Image

 "Instant Karma" by John Lennon

 "Alright Now" by Free

 "Band of Gold" by Freda Payne

 "I Wanna Take Ya Higher" by Ike and Tina Turner 

 "Come and Get It" by Badfinger

 "Rainy Night in Georgia" by Brook Benton

 "The Wonder of You" by Elvis

 "Vehicle" by the Ides of March

 "Woodstock" by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

 "Mississippi Queen" by Mountain

..... now, that last song "Mississippi Queen"....... 


 It was playing when Susie decided to hit the floor.....
...... and me, I had never danced before in my life.

 But hell... that wasn't gonna stop me.


 I got out there and starting flailin' around like I knew what I wuz doin.

 Hey man, I had seen Bandstand, ya know?


 ......................... ummmmmmmm no.

 It was a disaster... all my friends were laughin at me,
....... and she was drop-dead-embarrassed.

 I guess I didn't do all that well.

Anyhoo..... from then on, I didnt dance again until I went into the Navy.....

 In Chicago, there was a place where you could pay for a dance lesson and dance with pretty girls....

 I went there with some other guys at Great Lakes....
 ........    great- just what I needed - witnesses.

 Well, wouldn't ya know it.....
..... after only a coupla attempts at learning to dance, I was worse than when I started. 

 She lady who was dancing with me told me I had all the fluidity of a rhino and the grace of a dead chicken.

 I dunno what she meant by that,
......  but I don't think she was suggesting that I take up dancing as a profession once I got out of the Navy.


 
 Everybody on the base knew about it by the next day.

 The story was that I was so bad a dancer that I had been banned from the dollar-a-dance parlor.

 I was not banned.

 It was a voluntary exile.

 Some guys just can't dance.

 I got plenty o rhythm and all --
I coulda been a regular Gene Krupa if my parents woulda let me have drums.

 My feets just don't want to keep up with the rest of me.

 Or maybe the rest of me don't wanna keep time with my feets.

 Or any number of other excuses that I cant think of, right now.


 I can't dance.

 Don't ask me.

Disclaimer:

You may have noticed a number of pictures of Mambo dance albums on this post.

Please be aware that since I don't dance, I do not own any Mambo dance albums.

But I do think that Mambo album covers are very cool.

Actually, this poor excuse for a post was more of an opportunity to showcase these
 very interesting Mambo album covers than to actually discuss dancing.

Any resemblance to posts about dancing, or the art of dance is purely coincidental...
 ..... and more like a miracle.

......  and now, an inspirational word from Mister Mambo.